Why Giving Up Movement Can Feel So Powerful
When you think about bondage you probably think about being tied up, cuffs, straps, ropes, things like that. But for me bondage is much more psychological than just putting restraints on you.
Once I take away your ability to move, the entire scene changes. There is anticipation, excitement, vulnerability and maybe a little fear because now you know you can’t just get away. You have given me control and more importantly, you have given me your trust.
That is the part of bondage that I find most compelling.
What Is Bondage in BDSM?
Bondage is basically restricting your movement within a BDSM scene, but there are many different levels to it. At my space what I use with you is going to depend on your experience, your body and what we are doing during the session.
If you are new and very nervous I might start you with Velcro restraints. You know you could probably escape them if you really wanted to, and sometimes that helps until trust is built. I also use leather cuffs, metal cuffs, different types of straps, straight jackets and I do offer a little bit of Shibari.
Then there are more involved forms of bondage. Mummification with medical wrap or cling wrap is something I enjoy as well.
There isn’t one bondage scenario that is right for everybody and there isn’t one type that I consider my favorite. It depends on you and what else I am blending into your session.
Why Do People Enjoy Bondage?
People enjoy bondage for different reasons. In my experience with submissives who are really into bondage, loss of control, anticipation, vulnerability and sensory focus are usually a big part of it.
I can tell you, “Don’t move.” But psychologically you still know you can.
You know you can move your arms. You can move your legs. You ultimately know if you really want to change your position, you can do it.
Now let me put you into actual bondage and that changes.
Loss of Control
When you experience that loss of control there can be excitement, but when you trust me it can also allow you to slip into that headspace and relax.
I can actually see a huge change in somebody’s appearance when they completely let go.
I have seen submissives tremble throughout their body. Their breathing changes and becomes more intense. With submissives who have been with me for a long time I sometimes see something very different, there can actually be a level of relaxation because they trust me and know they are safe.
When you don’t have to think about controlling what happens next, that can create an entirely different headspace.
Anticipation and Vulnerability
If I tell you not to move, you know ultimately you still have that choice.
When you physically cannot easily change your position or remove yourself from the restraint, the anticipation becomes much more intense. Maybe there is excitement, maybe a little fear, vulnerability, your mind starts racing.
And now you are waiting.
That waiting can become a very big part of bondage.
Sensory Focus
I believe the psychological aspect of bondage can have a greater impact than the physical part.
Imagine you are laying there secured and you are alone in your head with your thoughts.
Depending on what we are doing you may only be smelling things, waiting and wondering what I am going to do next.
For some, I sit quietly watching you turn your hooded head while trying to hear me. I see that your body is tense and then after a bit you give in to the headspace.
The psychological factor and anticipation increases immensely.
Bondage Is More Than Being Tied Up
I see bondage as a combination of physical and psychological control, but I believe the psychological aspect has the greater impact.
The physical restraint creates the situation. Your mind is what takes that situation and runs with it.
That is why I don’t necessarily need the most complicated bondage equipment in the world to get a strong response from you. If you are already nervous or completely new to bondage, simple Velcro restraints might be enough. If you have more experience and want something much stricter, those same restraints may not create the experience you are looking for.
Everybody is different, which means I am not going to treat you exactly like the person who came through my door before you.
Simple Restraint vs. Strict Bondage
For me simple restraint might be Velcro restraints, where you know you could escape if you really needed to, or even leather cuffs depending on how they are being used.
More involved bondage is different.
That might mean a straight jacket. It might be cling wrap or mummifying your body with medical wrap. It can involve more restriction, more positioning and more time.
That doesn’t mean more involved automatically equals better. It means it is a different experience and it requires more from both of us.
If simple restraint gives you the psychological experience you want there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t look at bondage as a contest to see how much equipment I can put on you.
Why Strict Bondage Takes More Time
If you are requesting strict bondage, one hour is generally not enough. I personally feel 90 minutes provides a better experience because I don’t want to rush you through it.
Strict bondage takes more time simply because it is more involved.
If I am mummifying you, that takes time. I also need time during the scene because it is important that I periodically check in with you and make sure there are no problems arising from the strictness of that particular scenario.
I don’t want to spend all of your session getting you into bondage and then immediately have to start getting you out because we ran out of time.
If you want something elaborate, give us enough time to actually experience it. More elaborate does not mean better if the entire thing has to be rushed.
What Might Your Bondage Scene Look Like?
There isn’t one answer because I don’t do one type of bondage with everybody.
At my space I may use Velcro restraints, leather cuffs, metal cuffs, straps, a straight jacket or some Shibari. I also enjoy mummification with medical wrap or cling wrap.
Leather is one of my favorites because leather itself is a fetish of mine. Mummification is another form of bondage that I enjoy.
But what I choose for you has to make sense for the scene.
If I am blending different types of BDSM or fetishes into your session, your position has to work with whatever else I am doing. That means the materials and equipment I choose may be completely different from what I used with another submissive.
It is very common for a newer submissive to say, “I want to be cling-wrapped from head to toe,” or “I want to be secured to the table flat, my legs together, my arms at my side.” Then they want to add tickling under the arm pits but their arms are at their side or they want to add pegging but their legs are secured together. They have a fantasy but it does not always translate into reality.
Plus I want the bondage to serve the scene, not build a scene around equipment simply because the equipment is there.
Is Bondage About Pain?
If you are interested in bondage that does not automatically mean you are interested in pain.
For many of my submissives the stronger appeal is loss of control, anticipation, vulnerability and sensory focus. Restriction itself can create a very intense experience without pain needing to be the center of it.
Bondage can overlap with impact and other types of play, but those are separate things.
This is one reason I need you to communicate with me before your session. I need to understand what you actually want instead of assuming that because you said bondage, you want everything else that could possibly go along with it.
Bondage and Power Exchange
Bondage makes control very real.
There is a difference between you agreeing that I am in control and you physically experiencing that you cannot easily move until I decide to change the situation.
Psychologically that can have a huge impact.
But the part that matters to me most is your trust. If you allow me to put you into a position where your movement is limited and you are relying on me, I don’t take that lightly.
For me that trust is very powerful.
When Bondage Overlaps With Other Kinks
I would say probably 99% of the time bondage overlaps with something else in my sessions.
Sensory play, teasing, chastity, role-play and sometimes impact can go hand-in-hand with bondage. This is another reason why I don’t have one favorite bondage position or one particular type of equipment I always want to use.
What I do with you depends on your needs and what you want to experience.
Before your session I am going to communicate with you. Even if I have seen you before, I need to know if something has changed in your life or whether you feel you are ready to advance into something more intense.
What worked for you last time does not automatically mean it works for you this time.
I Am Planning Around Your Body, Not Your Fantasy
There is a lot that goes into planning a bondage scene and I personally have a Plan A and a Plan B as backup in case something doesn’t work the way I expected.
I have submissives in their early 20s and I have submissives in their 70s. Many played sports in high school or college and have old injuries. They may have a shoulder issue, a knee issue or a position they simply cannot stay in for very long without a huge amount of discomfort.
Your age, weight, general health, previous injuries and flexibility can all matter when I am planning your session.
I keep notes on people so I know which positions work for them. I don’t assume because you did something once that you can automatically do it again. You might have a new health concern or injury that would not permit us to do the same type of bondage as our last session.
If you are waiting to have shoulder surgery, maybe your arms cannot be above your head. If you are waiting for knee surgery, your flexibility may be different or discomfort while restrained might happen sooner.
So yes, you are the person who is going to be in bondage, but I have plenty of work to do before and during that scene.
You Still Need to Communicate With Me Once You Are Restrained
Before each and every session I communicate with a list of medical questions and physical questions because things change.
Even if I have known you for a long time, something may be different since the last time I saw you. I need you to tell me that before I decide how I am going to restrain you.
Communication also needs to continue once you are restrained.
Prior to your session I may ask you if you are right-handed or left-handed. There is a reason for that.
If your ability to speak is going to become limited, I may establish something with you before we begin such as tapping your right hand, wiggling a finger or nodding your head. We review that prior so there is already a way for you to communicate with me.
I don’t want to figure that out after I have already restrained you.
What Beginners Often Get Wrong About Bondage
Porn creates a lot of misconceptions about bondage.
If you are new, you may have watched something where certain things appear to be forced and now that is the picture you have in your mind. You might think that is what a bondage session is supposed to look like, even though if we actually sat down and discussed it you might not agree to those things at all.
Another misconception I see is people thinking all Dominatrixes are the same.
You may come to me fearful because you had a bad experience with somebody else. I understand that, but I am not that other Dominatrix and another Dominatrix is not me. We all work differently.
Then there is another problem I see quite often. Your eyes can be bigger than your stomach.
You watched something in a porn video and now you want that exact bondage scenario. But did you take into account your height? Your weight? Your flexibility? Previous injuries? What position your body can realistically maintain?
You can show me a scenario and say, “This is what I want.” And I may tell you it isn’t feasible for you. Fantasy does not change what your body can actually do.
You Don't Need to Start With Extreme Bondage
If you are completely new and very nervous, I may start you with Velcro restraints. That doesn’t happen too often because I take time to build rapport with you before you arrive, but if that is what you need then that is where we start.
I am not trying to prove something by putting you into the most restrictive bondage possible.
I want the restraint to work for you and for what we are doing.
Over time you may decide you want to advance into something more intense, and we can discuss that. But again communication. I need to know what has changed, what you think you are ready for and what your body can realistically handle.
Don’t confuse more extreme with better.
One Bondage Scene That Stuck With Me
One bondage scenario that really sticks out in my mind involved cling wrapping somebody while they were standing, with their arms secured above their head to a bar where I could turn them in a 360 circle, and then using duct tape as part of the restraint.
I left them unblindfolded.
That was intentional because I wanted to look directly into their eyes.
I could see the anticipation, fear and excitement. That is the psychological part of bondage that I find so interesting. I wasn’t only looking at what I had physically done with the restraint, I was watching what was happening in their face and in their mind.
That reaction is what stays with me.
If You Want to Explore Bondage With a Professional Dominatrix
If you are curious about bondage, do some research on the Dominatrix before you commit to a session.
Don’t assume everybody works the same way and don’t assume because you saw a particular bondage scene online that every Dominatrix will do it, or that it is realistic for you.
Be honest with me about your experience. Be honest about your injuries and physical limitations. If something has changed since the last time I saw you, tell me.
And if you want strict or more involved bondage, give it enough time.
I don’t want to rush through something simply because you tried to squeeze a complicated fantasy into an appointment that isn’t long enough for it.
What Makes Bondage Powerful Is the Trust
The thing I find most compelling about bondage is the trust you have given me.
That is VERY powerful to me.
Yes, I enjoy the equipment. I love leather. I enjoy mummification and I enjoy watching the psychological reaction when you realize you really cannot simply move the way you normally would.
But underneath all of that is trust.
You are allowing me to restrict you, position you and control what happens next. When you trust me enough to completely let go, I can see it happen. It may be in your breathing, trembling throughout your body or sometimes it is the opposite and you become incredibly relaxed.
That is why bondage is so much more than tying you up.
If bondage is something you are curious about exploring with me, understand your own physical limitations and communicate them honestly. Come in with realistic expectations. I would rather determine what type of restraint makes sense for you than try to recreate somebody else’s fantasy on a body it wasn’t designed for.
Want to explore bondage with me? Submit an application.
